Remakes, why is it always remakes...

I recently watched the newest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie (2014 version), directed by Jonathan Liebesman. Now, I grew up on the TMNT; I saw the three movies, watched the first cartoons, and a bit of some subsequent versions, and read both the original and the rebooted comics. I love the turtles, and I don't begrudge their commercial potential for toys and other marketable products. That said, I like the original movies, and recently re-watched them for nostalgia.

Well, let me say, this reboot pales in comparison! Now don't get me wrong, the special effects are light-years ahead of what they had back then, for sure. And the martial arts aspect is not lacking, it's well choreographed. But the plot... oh, the plot. The movie starts with a monologue by splinter. A corny, cliché, horrible monologue. The dialogues between characters are stilted, cliché, and seem like they're only there as garnish for the action scenes. The motivations for their actions are one dimensional, when they're not out and out nonsensical (Hello, April, priorities much?). The new character, April O'Neil's cameraman, could have been a well developed, interesting character. Instead he's the chauffeur, and the butt of all the jokes. pity.

And don't get me started on the turtles. One word: nostrils! The pseudo science, which I'm usually a bit forgiving of because blockbuster, is just going to ridiculous lengths. The number of times the characters should have died is astounding, and they bend the laws of physics every five minutes, when they're not just outright ignoring them.

As for the commercialism, there is one thing I noticed, other than the action figure potential, is that if you put all the action scenes where the turtles are moving at a good clip from one place to another, you get a pretty good amusement ride. Orlando, or Disneyland, I wonder?

Anyway, that's it for my rant. If you want to watch this movie, I won't stop you. My six year old liked it. She said it was awesome. Even if I had lots I disliked about this movie, I still watched it from beginning to end. And I didn't even leave the room once.